Day 21

Day 77 or day 21

It is 5:50am- on to 6:20

I had a restful time with my cousin and her son. I really just lounged around and rested. I learned that she is selling herself really short. She is full of ambition and goals and movement. I on the other hand am lazy and slothful on the for real. She has interests out the ears. I could not be less interested in anything going on on this earth right now. She really is to be admired. I really am not.

This is not being written to beat myself up. It is just stating facts.

I was there in Carrollton from Friday afternoon to Saturday afternoon, and deduced that she has energy to burn but is weighed down with worry and doubt. I have little energy and am weighed down by lack of interest and focus. It was eye opening. I did resolve to stick to writing because at least I am halfway decent at that. And so, I need to catch up on my creative projects. I need to produce 7 projects today. It is Sunday, so this should be a good day to get out and about and maybe take some photos. I need to get Mustard before the 2pm hour. Just writing it down so I do not forget. Zoe had a great time being with me. She likes not having Mustard around and is just as relaxed as can be right now in the other room minding her business.

The temps have risen over the last few days, and heading out is going to be good this morning. I think I will leave Zoe. She is good on the leash, but I am not sure if I want her company out there this morning as we run the streets of Waco again.

I am not really wanting to be up this morning. I would love to crawl back into bed and throw the covers over my head and disappear. But if I am ever to get out of this funk, I need to push through this gunk. I checked the EDCU and my payments are all over for HDC. They got everything taken care of. Shannon is so good.

Goal 1- Pick something, anything, and make it great

Goal 2- Pick something, anything, and make it great

Goal 3- Pick something, anything, and make it great

Goal 4- Pick something, anything, and make it great

Goal 5- Pick something, anything, and make it great

Goal 6- pick something, anything, and make it great

Goal 7- pick something, anything, and make it great

Goal 8- pick something, anything, and make it great

Goal 9- pick something, anything, and make it great

Goal 10- pick something, anything, and make it great

At this point it all just boils down to this… For some reason, I think I just do not want to work. But if I do not work, I do not eat. Maybe I need to start praying for a wealthy husband because something in me just cannot seem to want to pivot toward committing to employment, self-employment or otherwise. It is somewhat distressing.

Step one- find something you do naturally and begin doing it everyday

Perhaps join a sleep study that pays money…

Step two- keep calm and know that whatever happens, it is all going to be fine

Step three- change your screen background… it is depressing seeing the stars and I need a better lift me up.

Step four- seek and you shall fine, knock and the door will be opened unto you, ask and it shall be given

Step five- write until 6:20am this morning. That is the deal. Write out goals and steps until the allotted time is up.

Step six- take care of yourself

Step seven- find the beauty in the day

Step eight- say thank you

Step nine- live each day as if it were your last

Day ten- wash, rinse, and repeat

My fallopian tube on the left side of my body is aching… this always concerns me… I have swelling in the area and it increases when I am pms’ing and on my period. This is something that needs to be looked at by a doctor.

The good thing about this morning and writing is that I have gone from two pages to three. That is a good thing. I can see growth in that. Simply by hearing from the LORD and being obedient in that one thing, the fruit is moving to more pages a day than before.

I still need to exercise and stretch more. I did those sit ups for one day and got to 20, but have not done them since. Something is fundamentally wrong with me. Perhaps I do need counseling. If so, Lord, please open the door.

This is the day that the Lord has made. I shall rejoice and be glad in it. I am more than a conqueror in all things. I am the head and not the tail. I have greatness in me. God knows the plans HE has for me, and they are to prosper me and not to harm me. To give me a future and a hope.