Day 30 and this is the end

Day 86 or Day 30

It is 5:55am

Hallelujah! I have made it to day 30 of the goals and steps and now I can go back and compile this stuff after this entry and figure out what the heck this season is all about. I am grateful for this short season. So, yesterday I got up and went to Mary’s house after all the morning ritual stuff was done. She had Asia with her and they were just getting up and heading out to MLK events. I leave them and head to Valley Mills to work on wooden trays and gluing up boards. I stay there until about 1pm and head back home. I listen to some YouTube videos for close to two hours and then take a nap. I then get back up and go over to Mary’s house to help her with her tasks for a bit. The weather was turning fast by the time I left her and Erica. It was close to 7:30pm I think. I read some Spiritual Authority book and then resolved that I needed rest. So, I rested. As the Chinese proverb says… when you are sleepy… close your eyes. When you are hungry… eat your rice. I like that.

I could go back out there to do wood working, but Christina has her ritual, and I do not desire to get in the way of her ritual. As well, we have entered into a new work week. Therefore, until I get compensated for this work week, I will not work again. That means I will work perhaps either Saturday, Sunday or Monday depending. I have seven trays to get done.

Goal or steps 1- decide what it is I want. I have been thinking of career and jobs, but really it is more like I want security and stability marked by day to day activity that feeds my soul and spirit while bringing joy to others through joy itself. I love being happy and sharing joy and happiness with the day and others. I love seeing faces light up and smiles appear on faces. I think I need to start a clown business, but this outcome can be accomplished in many ways and in many jobs. I just know I am not attracted to the 9 to 5 stuff or the office cubicle stuff. That would drive me bonkers. But I do need to see people. That is always something that feeds my soul… interaction. I am thinking about counseling again… I might want to give myself over to that. I need to talk to Ginny about that.

Step 2- make a plan to achieve the outcome I want. I think within all this text that has been written over all these weeks, there is a plan that can be contrived. I am excited about the next step.

Step 3- Create action items that will lead to the outcome that I want- I can reflect on my life and know that everything that has gotten me to this place has been accomplished though action steps. I left Waco to go to college and I had all my classes outlined for the four years my freshman year. I had a plan. I kept that plan and revised it along the way. The same college catalog that entered with Freshman Year, was the same one I carried around when I exited with all the scratched out plans replaced with the new directions and so on my Senior Year. I finished in 4 years with two degrees and 3^rd in my class. Then on to Graduate School where I did pretty much the same. I outlined the outcome and walked out the action steps. I made adjustments along the way and finished not where I started which was a PhD track in Communications, but with 3 years and a MA and MFA in Film and Video Production. I did not reach those goals by happenstance. I reached those goals by action items with an outcome defined. I have always had goals, action items and outcomes that I have laid out for myself. In acquiring employment, in creating projects, in developing curriculum, in giving presentations, in writing and reciting… my life has been one of plan, revisit and proceed. These are not new concepts to me. All this stuff was done in my own strength and has landed me in a place of disillusionment. None of it had anything to do with me or The LORD. So now I am at this place where I need to deal with me… the real and authentic me, and GOD needs to deal with me.
The real wants and desires and not the performance and the masks and the all the trappings of this society and its need to achieve and expand must be established. I don’t even know who I am in this muck. Until I get that settled, I am stopping, leaning and depending on GOD, and taking inventory and stock.

Step 4- Decide that I will not take short cuts. The present temptation is to get a job or get marketable skills for a good paying job. From there plan on quitting that job after saving up some funds to invest in something that I would prefer or rather be doing… this is a short cut that really is a time waster and the long way around a mountain. If I decide what I want to do, then I do not need these short cuts that are going to leave people used and me taking a job that truly needs to be for the person it is intended for and not me. I have done this over and over over and it has to stop. Like stop now.

Step 5- monitor my words to see if I am self-sabotaging. Because I am one of those kids who has heard over my life span… “You are too smart for your own good.” I realize that I need to spend some time monitoring what is coming out of my mouth and what is rolling around in my head. These thoughts are the beginning of the stuff that falls out of my face, and those thoughts need to be taken captive and interrogated. I am tired of the sabotage. Water boarding time for real…

Step 6- refer to my plan daily to ensure I am on track and have not drifted… I have done this in the past, and I am well capable of doing this now.

Step 7- Obey and trust God with the consequences

Step 8- Be grateful and thankful in all things

Step 9- be truthful… I have to and must get into a better relationship with the truth, my truth, and God’s truth. This is imperative if I am to ever get out of this cycle or funk I am in. Ye shall know the truth, and it is the truth that will set you free!!!!!!!

Step 10- remember just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you ought to

This about sums up my week so far. I think I will drive out to Mom’s and give her this bag of pecans. They were left on my back door for her yesterday. Mrs. Carpenter, our elementary school librarian left them for Mom. Mrs. Carpenter has to be in her early 80’s. She loves Mom and thinks of her often and does thoughtful things for MOM. It is sweet. Thank you for the chance to help Mrs. Carpenter take these pecans to Momma.

It is getting on with it time, this day that is. The weather was supposed to be very bad, but it is fairly mild. It is cold, but there is no snow, ice, sleet, or howling winds right now. I believe everyone is shutting down today based on the forecast. However, the forecasters have gotten to the place where they are blowing everything out of proportion for the sake of viewership, and hence the result is a snow day where there is not any evidence of snow anywhere to be found. Praise the LORD. This is the day that the LORD has made. I shall rejoice and be glad in it. There are not outcries to heaven these days. Just a stench of modernity and all of its trappings.

Thank you, Father for this day. Thank you that I have food to eat, a warm home to live in, my two dogs and a car, money in the bank, health and a strong mind and thank you for Jesus in my life and heart and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

Now unto You LORD, you WHO are able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all I can think or imagine or ask… to you be the glory and the honor in Christ Jesus and in the Church… Amen!

Blessings~